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The Kate Winslet buoyed HBO miniseries “Mildred Pierce” just wrapped up it’s laborious five hours. She did her best, it had great production values (production designers! Is there any Hollywood workhorse that’s had more consistent results?), but in the end, the story did not justify it’s runtime. So, sadly, I don’t think I got much out of it…

WAIT A TICK! I did! It was the biggest display of pie porn since “Pushing Daisies”. Winslet makes her bones as a pie maker, and the masturbatory running time allowed for many (MANY!) pie baking scenes, set to 1920’s ragtime. Pie Porn made just for me.

Like “Julia & Julia,” don’t watch this movie hungry. Better yet, don’t watch this movie. Watch “Pushing Daisies”. But in the meantime, here are the five pies that have been present during the show about pies (and, apparently, some Mother-Daughter tension):

1) Maple Pecan Pie

Do you know this pie is made with two cups of maple syrup??

2) Deep-Dish Plum Pie

There’s no bottom crust, only top crust. (scared and confused now)

3) Raspberry Pear Tart

Made by Marcus, he decided to something we in the business call “improvising”, and threw some raspberry jam into the pie. Seems as though he had an “instinct” that it might “taste good”. Pff!

4) Key Lime Pie

Bought by Denny. The prospect of baking proved overwhelming for him, the poor lamb.  Frankly, it was the best one.

5) Banana Cream Pie

The first pie I baked where it didn’t all fall apart, forcing me to sheepishly ladle into a bowl for my too-polite guests.

So what if millions of dollars went into this, and actors and writers poured their heart and soul into the story, and all I got out of it was pie porn? Less has been had out of greater projects.

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Written by Adam Sass

Adam Sass

ADAM SASS is a journalist and copy editor for Mediaplanet, which prints in USA Today. His short story appeared in the anthology STARLING SCI-FI: NEW TALES OF THE BEYOND and was nominated for Best Science Fiction Story by Writer’s Digest. He lives in New York City with his husband and two dachshunds.

Keep up with Adam’s pop culture blogging at GeeksOut.org and on his (over)active Twitter: @TheAdamSass.